


There's no filling up your spaces with fictionary places

by driftingweightless



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: A LOT of Angst, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Basically the entire thing is angst, Did I mention angst, Drugs, M/M, Non AU, but don't worry its fake, god this thing is depressing, louis makes stupid decisions, mentions of a lot of dumb things, mentions of drinking, mentions of elounor - Freeform, mentions of fluff i guess, sad/depressed harry, self-hate, semi-realistic, this is a lot of tags for a very short thing, well kind of, zayn is sensitive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-07
Updated: 2014-07-07
Packaged: 2018-02-07 21:02:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1913706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/driftingweightless/pseuds/driftingweightless
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>We know full well there's just time<br/>So is it wrong to dance this line?<br/>If your heart was full of love<br/>Could you give it up?</p>
            </blockquote>





	There's no filling up your spaces with fictionary places

Louis hated boats. He hated the feeling that you would be powerless the second you let go of the wheel. That’s precisely why he was on one right now- to escape. No one would suspect him to leave that way. The first places people would expect him to fuck off to was Doncaster, or an exotic island like Fiji or Mallorca. It would delay the inevitable, give them a couple more days of peace, he thought.

It had been a rough few weeks. Increasing amounts of appearances with Eleanor- in Paris of all places. Paris was supposed to be his time to make it up to Haz. Instead he spent the day on a stupid double date with Liam and Sophia at a stupid fancy french restaurant where you payed for tap water. Management had bought him a dozen red roses and a pair of fancy Marc Jacobs earrings to give to Eleanor. She had rolled her eyes and thrown them in the nearest trash can. Louis supposed there could be worse beards out there.

So Louis went out. And Harry stayed in. Harry had become subdued, especially since the England leg of the tour. Everyone wondered why. He lied easily and said that he missed his family, but Louis knew it was a lie. He made a valiant effort to seem cheerful during concerts, but it left him drained and exhausted and he always shut himself in their hotel room after the concerts.

Louis knew it was because of The interview. The one where Harry had been so close to coming out but Louis had shoved him right back in the closet. Like he always did. Harry had shown his true colors since the beginning, and coming out was always the final step. But Louis never let him. Harry was always the one that hinted, and Louis was the one that shut it down. He couldn’t even remember why he did it anymore- it had become mechanical. Pretty much everyone knew or suspected the truth. But Louis was a coward, and he dragged Harry down with him.

Louis always tried to tell Harry it was for the sake of the band, that it would be a huge blow to their popularity and income, as well as that the dynamics would shift. They both knew it was mostly Louis convincing himself, and that the dynamics were already fucked. Louis and Harry were inevitably the centerpieces of the band- and they were hardly speaking. Harry smiled less, and Louis role as a leader fell away in the effort it took to uphold the straight boy act. The balance was tipped. Liam was stuck trying to keep the band’s image together, answering most of the questions in interviews and interacting the with fans. Zayn got engaged with Perrie to maintain publicity. Niall went out with an increasing amount of various models and singers.

But the colors of the band were faded. Louis and Harry, the once shining stars of the band, were hardly present and got out of award shows and interviews as much as possible. Everyone knew what had to be done- yet Louis always refused. So he stayed with Eleanor, and Harry drank more. He tried to make himself believe that the distance between him and Harry was normal, that it was bound to happen someday.

They were somewhere in Minnesota when it happened. Niall found Harry on the floor, shaking. Pills were strewn around him haphazardly. Niall had screamed- Liam had come running. Zayn had burst into tears. Harry just smiled. _“What have you taken,”_ Niall had screamed. Harry had just shrugged. _“Don’t know, don’t care.”_

Then he’d seen Louis standing in the doorway. His eyes were wide blown, the green barely visible. Slowly, his lips turned up into a smirk. _“You okay there, Lou? you look a bit pale,”_ he had said tauntingly. Then he laughed. It was more like a series of dry coughs, but the malice cut through all the same. This was Louis fault and they both knew it. Louis couldn’t move. He couldn’t speak. He couldn’t breathe.

This wasn’t his Harry, the boy with the earnest smile and need to please. The boy that would never utter a single word to hurt someone. The boy who gave Louis everything- his first kiss, his virginity, his heart. The boy that loved Louis unconditionally- that boy was long gone. The last few months, Louis realised, Harry had tried to reach out, to give Louis another chance. But Louis had turned his head, blindly, too proud to even try. Harry had loved Louis so much, so easily, so quickly- that it had been his fall.

So Louis ran. He rented a boat and took off. The memories that he had pushed back for so long came flooding back. The immediate fondness he took to the young curly haired boy he met in the bathroom at the X Factor auditions. The unexplainable sense of pride he had felt when Harry nailed his audition, even though he barely knew the boy. The fierce need to protect Harry when they first blew up as a band. The touches, the kisses, the secret moments he could have if he hadn’t fucked up.

But he had fucked up. This was the bitter truth. Not everything had a fairytale ending.

Slowly, he let go of the wheel. He let himself be powerless.

Then he fell.

**Author's Note:**

> I have no excuses for this.
> 
> Title from OneRepublics Burning Bridges, song in summary is Birdys Not About Angels, which is a fantastic soundtrack song for this fic.
> 
> It's also temporarily unbeta'd because danielle is scared of it and emily is just mad- Katie will beta later.
> 
> Come find me on twitter, @genderflouent


End file.
